Day 155 - Companions

I rose with the sun and used my last few coins to pay for breakfast before heading to the Companion's Mead Hall, Jorrvaskr.  The area was bustling with energy and activity as strong-looking men and women walked hurried to and from the mead hall.

Even the mead hall was a whirlwind of activity.  People were sitting at the large table in the center, eating and drinking.  Others were wandering around, ale mug in hand, talking.   Off to one side a fight had broken out between two men, both as big and as burly as Yawnely, a boy I knew back in Winterhold that could almost bench press an anvil.

I sidestepped the argument and asked someone how to go about joining their group.  The man who I spoke to looked me over and then laughed, "You?  A companion?  Right…"

His dinner companion, a tall woman with dark red hair, elbowed him and then smiled at me, "Don't mind him.  He doesn't believe women should be able to fight, even though I've bested him many time in the ring."

"I let you win those times," he murmured.

She ignored his comments, "You'll want to talk to Kodlak Whitemane.  The last time I saw him, he was in his quarters downstairs speaking with Vilkas."

I thanked her and headed in the direction she pointed.  It wasn't long before I found him sitting in one of the nicely decorated living quarters on that level talking to a gruff-looking man.  He turned as I entered, a questioning look on his face, and I quickly introduced myself and asked about admittance to the group.

Kodlak immediately thought I was worthy of the task but the other man did not, citing my thin stature and weak look.

"Do not let looks deceive you," the older man said, "You'd be surprised at what a thin but muscular woman can do.  Do you have any fighting experience?"

"I did some training with the Imperial troops in Solitude," I said, "And I've seen my share of undead and wild creatures."

Kodlak looked at his companion with a raised eyebrow, "See what I mean?"

Vilkas snorted, "We only have what she says to go on.  There is no way she could have survived an attack of the undead."

The two argued for a few more minutes before Kodlak finally ordered him to take me outside and see if I’m worthy or not of being a Companion.  Vilkas agreed warily and led me outside.

Let me tell you, my heart was pounding like crazy as we took our placed at opposites sides of the yard.  When he came rushing at me, sword in hand, my instincts took over.  I grabbed my sword and blocked the hit.  Then I turned and smashed into him with all the strength I could.  Vilkas stumbled back, looking surprised at my quickness.

"I was wrong," he said, "You are worthy…but not by much."

My "room" came with roommates

And with that, I became a member of the Companions.  Of course, I'm starting at the bottom rung of their group.  My quarters aren't much – just a bed in the corner of a large dorm I share with three other women – but I don't mind.  At least it's a bed I didn't have to pay for and best of all, none of my roommates snore.

Doesn't he look thrilled?

Day 154 – Job Prospects

I woke early this morning and enjoyed a warm breakfast, thanks to the innkeeper.  She gave me a quick overview of the city while I ate.  She gave me the heads up on the different areas of the town, where to go and where not to go.  She also told me that there is a feud going on between two well-known families – the Battle-Born and the Grey-Manes – and advised me to stay far away from.

One of her customers jumped in in the middle of our conversation with his own tip, "If you're looking for work, you might want to check with the Companions."

"Who are the companions?" I asked.

"They're a group of warriors who take on private and public contracts for just about anyone," the innkeeper told me, "They're based out of their mead hall, named Jorrvaskr, located in the Wind District.  Visitors are welcomed.  Just don't expect a red-carpet welcome.  Usually there's a lot of drinking and fighting up there."

I spend the day walking around town, inquiring about work at the different businesses.  The blacksmith said that she was looking for an apprentice and suggested that I give it a try.  She let me try making something – a simple dagger – but no matter how many times she instructed me, it just wouldn't end out right.  She finally took the materials away and said she thought it wouldn't work out well for us.

Before I walked away, she asked if I would be willing to take a sword up to her father in Dragonsreach, the Jarl's home.  I agreed – I could use the money and I was planning to see the Jarl anyway.  Her father was very happy to see the sword but told me that he nor the Jarl had any work.  He advised me to check with the Companions next door, "They're always looking for strong young people."

Since the thought of becoming a hired hand to anyone that needed some blood to spill made me nauseous, I continued my search for more honest work.  There were a few odd jobs here and there and the same collecting of materials for the apothecary, but I was really hoping for something more.

I returned to the inn tonight with barely enough septums to cover my night's stay.  As it stands right now, the only jobs in the area that I'm even slight qualified for is with the Companions.  That thought does not please me at all.

I'm beginning to wonder if this is really the place for me.

Day 153 - Arriving in Whiterun

It took almost all of the septums I had on me but I finally arrived at Whiterun.  Yes, I could have walked but then I would have arrived at the city exhausted and in need of new boots.

The carriage dropped me off at the stables, just outside of town, and I walked the rest of the way up the hill to the main gates.  It was early evening when I arrived so I went straight to the inn, The Bannered Mare, to get a hot meal and a room for the night.  That's where I am now, recovering from my long day's travel.

I think coming to Whiterun was a good idea.  The city is large, people are nicer here, and there seems to be opportunity at every corner.  When I entered the inn, the innkeeper greeted me as an "adventurer".  Can you believe it?  I guess you can say that I am an adventurer now, looking to make my way wherever I go.

I just pray that Whiterun is finally going to be the place where I belong.  Otherwise, I'm going to go back to the old cabin near Winterhold and become a hermit far away from all of the crazy politics of the world.

Day 152 - Leaving

It's official – as of early this morning I am no longer a resident of Riften.

I rose way before the sun and quietly packed my things into Pa's old knapsack.  My storage chest was almost cleaned out when Ma woke and asked me what I was doing.

"I'm heading out early," I told her, "Elgrim wants me to head up into the hills and find some special ingredient he needs for a potion."

"Stay safe, my child," Ma yawned before going on, "and try to stay out of trouble."

"I will, Ma.  Don't worry."

She turned over and went back to sleep, leaving me to toss the last few things into my bag and gather my armor.  I dressed in the shop downstairs so I wouldn't bother anyone else and left a note on the counter, thanking both Ma and my aunt for taking me in but that it was time for me to find my own future out in the world.

I know Ma is going to be very upset when she reads the note.  But as she said last night, what I do and say reflects on her and my aunt.  If I want the freedom to do as I need to do, I need to leave Riften.  I'm sorry, Ma.

So here I sit on the banks of the river in sight of the old lumber mill, pondering what to do next.  Windhelm is out - I remember how angry people were about the Imperials and the possibility of the civil war.  I have a feeling if I went up there, I won't find work.  I can't return to Solitude – the pain of seeing my old classmates and the Bards College would be too much for me and really, it was too far to go on what little money I had.

I guess my only real choice left is Whiterun.  I've heard from other travelers that there is a lot of work in that town.  Best of all, it seems that the Jarl in that town in Empire-friendly, so I won't have to worry about being discriminated against too badly.

Day 151 - Trouble for Everyone

It seems that people of Riften are not happy when you accuse them of sleeping with someone other than their wives.  All denied what we had to say, even though Svana told them that she saw them entering their aunt's room and which nights it happened on.  Indaryn, the man who runs the Black-Briar Meadery was the angriest of the most, screaming for the guards.  We hightailed it out of there as fast as we could and hid in the bunkhouse until things calmed down.

Idaryn, the Snitch

Of course, I forgot that news travels fast even in towns as large as Riften.  By the time I got home that night, both Ma and Aunt Guanine were sitting up waiting for me.  I tried to slip off to bed but Ma stopped me with some stern words.

"You don't need to try to hide it," she told me, "Mavin Black-Briar's assistant has already been around to talk to us.  She told us what you'd been up to this evening."

I stopped and turned to stare at them.

"Going around, accusing men, well-known men in this community, of sleeping around," added Aunt Guanine, "How absurd!"

I remained silent, not sure what to say.

"I'm sure this little scheme wasn't your idea," Ma said, "I'm assuming, considering who you were accusing of the men of sleeping with, that this was all Svana Far-Shield's idea, wasn't it?"

I nodded softly, looking at my feet in shame.

"Well, that's that then," Aunt Guanine said, standing, "You are not allowed to see that girl any longer."

I opened my mouth to protest but a sharp look from Ma stopped me.  She waited until Aunt Guanine was out of the room before she spoke, "I'm very disappointed in you tonight, Patrycia."

Those words almost broke my heart in two.  My Ma had never been disappointed in me, even after I came home from Bards College.

"What you did tonight bordered on illegal.  You're just lucky the guards didn't catch you or I'd be bailing you out of jail right now.  Hell, I'm surprised that none of those men shoved a dagger in your gut for the words you said to them.  This is unacceptable behavior, Patrycia Jayn, and it cannot continue."

"I'm almost 20 years old, Ma.  You and added Aunt Guanine can't tell me who I can and cannot see."

"Yes, we can as long as you live under your aunt's roof.  Your actions around town not just reflect upon you but your family too.  One bad word gets out about us or you or even your aunt and her business could be ruined.  Then she and I would be without work and all of us would be homeless."

I stared at my mother, a mix of surprise and anger welling through me.

She rose and crossed the room until she was standing before me, "This isn't little Winterhold anymore.  What people say and do matter around here.  Getting Mavin Black-Briar and her friends angry with our family will only end badly.  Do you understand?"

I sighed and nodded, even though I really didn't.

Ma smiled, "Go on up to bed.  We'll talk in the morning."

I went to bed as she told me but as I lie here on the hard floor, our conversation keeps running through my head.  I have a feeling that Riften is just too small for me.  What I do or say here can hurt my whole family.  I don't want anything to happen to them but then again, I can't just shove myself into this little tiny mold that my mother and aunt are trying to shove me into.

Maybe it's time that I strike out on my own and find my own life….

Day 150 - More Trouble

Ma helped me back a cake last night.  It looked horrible but it tasted pretty good.  She told me that if I can to get some venison while I'm out and she'd show me how to roast the flank for dinner one night.

I'm surprised at how fun cooking really is.  It's a lot like alchemy, with the measurements of this and pinches of that.  Even if I don't get married, at least I know I can feed myself.

I'm meeting up with Svana tonight for dinner and a little spying.  She says that she knows the names of three men that her aunt recently slept with.  She's hoping that we can persuade each of the men to give us their token.  We will have to see.

Day 148 - Cooking

Ma wants me to learn how to cook.  "You won't find a man without learning how to cook," she told me.  So I promised to come home early from my "flower picking", as she likes to call it, for my first lesson.

That's not the first time she talked about me getting married.  I guess all of the weddings that are going on at the shrine and the brides coming into the shop has her thinking and wishing about my own marriage.

Personally, I think she's lost her mind.  I'm too young and have too much to do around here to get married.  I want to see more of the world.  I want to make something of myself.  I want to find out who killed my father.  I can't let a husband hold me down.

Day 146 - Trouble Brewing

Ma doesn't like me spending my evening at the tavern with Svana.  She makes sure to tell me every night, "That girl is no good and will just you me into trouble."  I don't care.  Besides Maven's daughter, she's the only girl around my age in this gods-forsaken town.

Svana commented one night as we walked along the canals that her aunt liked to sleep around with men.  It took me a few minutes for me to realize what she was talking about and then my cheeks turned bright red.

"I wish I could make my aunt squirm," she told me, "Make her feel embarrassed so she'll leave me alone."

"Like what?" I asked.

We spent the next two hours sitting under a tree in the old graveyard and discussed what we could do.  Svana thought that if she could solid proof of her aunt sleeping around that she might just be able to get what she wants.  She told me that her aunt gives these marks to each of her "conquests".   She asked if I could get a hold of three of them so she could confront her aunt with them.  She giggled with glee at the thought of seeing her aunt squirm.  I promised to help her get the marks…but I'm not sure how.  This should be interesting.

Day 143 – Training

By the time I got back to town this afternoon, I was so hot and yucky smelling that I would have gladly waded into the canals of Riften to get clean….and that's saying a lot considering that those are filled with raw sewage.  But at least now the blacksmith has his smelted ore, I know how to smelt, and I got some more septums in the process.

The Elusive Smelter

While I was in Shor's Stone, not only did the blacksmith show me how to smelt but when he noticed a few wolf hides in my bags, he demonstrated how to tan them using the tanner that sat on his front porch.  I gave him the tanned hides as a thank you for all of the training, even though I didn't have to.  I felt like I owed him something.

Helpful Blacksmith

Elgrim's wife was very happy when I returned with that ore sample from the blacksmith in Shor's Stone…so happy that she offered to show me some of the alchemy stuff that she knows.  She warned me that she didn’t know much but that she knew enough to get me started.  I was thrilled at the invitation and watched as she showed me how to make a health potion.

She let me try to make the same potion afterwards.  It wasn't until the end that I realized her husband had been watching us.  He seemed to be happy with my results, even mentioning that I seemed to catch on much faster than his current apprentice, Maven Black-Briar's daughter, Ingun.  Too bad Ingun heard the comment.  She slunk out of the shop with her head down.  I wonder if I'm going to have trouble with the Black-Briar family now.

Talking about trouble, I made a friend today.  Her name is Svana Far-Shield and she works at her Aunt Haelga's bunkhouse.  I asked her how she liked her job and she grimaced and told me that she hated it – the men that stay there won't keep their hands off of her.  I'm suddenly very thankful that I have a "job" that doesn’t require me to work in such a place.

Svana was amazed that I was daring enough to go out by myself and collect supplies from the wild.  I asked her if she'd ever gone outside the wall and her eyes widened at the thought, "No!  Never!  Aunt Haelga says that the wilderness is filled with wild animals and evil men.  I'd never go out there, even with the guards escorting me."  Maybe one day I'll be able to talk her into coming outside the wall with me and at least seeing the beauty that is outside.

Day 142 @ 8 PM - Success!

I walked along the edge of the lake today, just trying to get my bearings.  I did run across a few wolves, but nothing that I couldn't have handled.  I found some good flower specimens for Elgrim and a little ore for the blacksmith.

Riften, From Afar

I was surprised to see a few farms located on the road along the lake.  The owners were nice – once even offered to make me some fresh eggs to eat – but I could see that something was bothering them.  I later found out that they were both subject to bandit raids.  One even had his favorite bow taken!  I told him that I'd keep an eye out for it.

The woman that runs the mill stopped me in passing and asked if I would be traveling on the road towards Morrowind.  I said no and asked why.  It seems that her husband travelled up there some time ago to deliver some goods and never returned.  She asked that if I saw him to tell him to "keep going and never come back".  Now that's love if I've ever seen it!

Ruins on the Hill

On my way back to town, I spotted some spectacular looking ruins up in the hills above where I stood.  I couldn't help but wonder what was up there and how it had become.  Maybe someday I will climb up there and see.

When I returned to town just after lunchtime, I made a beeline for the smithee shop to turn in what I found.  He seemed happy with my work but said, "You know, I'd pay you more for these if you turned these into ingots.  Do you know how to smelt?"

I shook my head – I didn't even know what that word meant.

"I'd show you how but unfortunately I don't have a smelter here.  But they do have one in Shor's Stone, just north of here.  If you're willing to travel up there, I'm sure my friend, Filnjar, will show you how to smelt this ore into ingots that I can use."

I agreed – every septum counts these days – and started to turn away but Balimund stopped me.

"By the way, I could use some more fire salts for my forge," he said, "If by chance you run across any in your travels, I would be willing to pay you well for them."

"Sure," I said, "Where do I find them?"

He went on to explain that I could get them at some alchemy stores or off of the dead body of Flame Atronaches.  I told him I'd try but had no guarantees.  The thought of fighting anything made of flame scared me.

Once our business was done, I headed to the apothecary shop to turn in the few flowers I found.  Elgrim seemed quite happy with my work and I walked away with a tidy sum of septums for what was just a few hours of work.

As I started out the door, I mentioned that I was heading to Shor's Stone in the morning to do some business.  Before I could shut the door, his wife leapt forward and pulled me back inside.

"You're going to Shor's Stone?" she asked, "Would you mind getting something for me while you're there?  I'll pay well."

I agreed – I hate turning down cold hard money for what looked like an errand run.  She said that the blacksmith (the same man I was visiting to learn to smelt) had an ore sample that she needed.  Well, well, well….that worked out well.  Got two birds with one stone, didn't I?

Ma looks relieved when I walked through the door this afternoon but the relief was fleeting.  Worry etched her face the moment she caught sight of my bloody sword.  No matter how many times I told her I was okay, she still hemmed and hawed over me.

I don't think this living arrangement is going to work for too long.  Between the hard floor, Ma's worry, and Aunt Guanine's bad attitude, living here is going to become unbearable.  I can only pray that my freelance work will keep up so I can move into the inn and leave this house behind.

Day 142 @ 6:30 AM - First Day on the Job

Ma fretted at me as I strapped on my armor, packed by bag, and wiped down my sword this morning.  She even packed me a lunch, which I carefully tucked into Pa's old backpack.

"Please be careful," she told me.

"I will, don't worry."  I didn't dare tell her that I'd battled undead and tree fairies.  What's out in these forests can't be much worst.  At least I hope not….

I feel both nervous and almost giddy as I stand here just outside the city gates writing this journal entry.  I’m not sure what is going to happen out there or how I’m going to do, but at least I'm not stuck in the clothing shop with Aunt Guanine all day, like Ma.

I asked Ma last night how she could stand working with her stern sister.  "I know she sounds and acts cold-hearted," she replied, "but your aunt loves you, me and your brother very much.  She just doesn't know how to show that."

I'm not sure what Ma was taking about.  Either way, I'm just glad I didn't have to look at that grumpy face all day.

Day 141 - Failed!

I came up empty handed with my job search.  Well, not exactly empty handed.  There are two sort of "part time" jobs that are available, both collecting materials for local merchants.  One is for Elgrim, who runs the local apothecary house, collecting herbs and such.  The other is for the local blacksmith, who is looking for ore and other material to make his swords and armor.  There are also a few odd jobs here and there but those two seem the most reliable.

The Apothecary Guy

The Blacksmith

Ma isn't so thrilled with my "jobs".  She'd rather have me standing behind a counter all day, serving people, than out exploring the local fauna and wildlife.  I heard her taking to her sister this evening when she thought I was out of earshot, almost begging her to take me on as a clerk, but my aunt said no.  She couldn't afford to feed or cloth another person.

It's okay, really.  I'd rather be supporting myself doing odd jobs and such.  The thought of being under Aunt Guanine's thumb doesn't appeal to me.  I don't like how she treats Ma like an underling who knows nothing and she always seems to be tight and cross.  I couldn’t work around someone that…cold.

Riften Canals

I did discover one thing while walking around town - Riften stinks…literally.  The town is built around an old canal system and all of the sewage in town drains into it.  Worst of all, the old canals are not flushed out until high tide, so the smell is horrible, especially around mid-day.

And let's not forget all of the rumors flying around about the Thieves' Guild and how they're working hand-in-hand with a local woman by the name of Maven Black-Briar.  I ran into her at the inn today while looking for a job.  She's very gruff and to the point, ending our short conversation with "I believe we're done here."  Many people say that she runs the whole town and I can't help but agree.  She had a lot of people running scared, that's for sure.

It seems that the citizens of Riften do not think well of the Imperial Legion.  They don't like how a certain treaty banned the worship of Talos that many people love in this town.  Thankfully, my Nord blood shows through well so no one really takes notice that I am half- Imperial.  One even suggested that I head to Windhelm and join Stormcloak's rebellion!  I almost took his suggestion seriously…and then I remembered Captain Aldis and his soldiers who were so willing to train me.  I couldn't kill one of them.

Anyway, that Nord blood served me well today while dealing with the local blacksmith.  He repaired my armor without any strange looks and gave me a good discount on a new sword, a beautiful two-hander that will be a good addition to my war hammer.  It felt good to have a sword back in my hands again.  

I can only hope that I succeed here in Riften or I'm going to have to move on.  I won't be able to live here free for very long, not with Aunt Guanine breathing down my neck.

Day 140 - Arrival in Riften

Ma was more than surprised to see me standing in the doorway of Aunt Guanine's clothing shop in Riften.

"What are you doing here, child?" she rushed around the counter to give me a hug, "You're supposed to be at school!"

"That….that's an interesting story," I told her.

Her eyebrows rose with a question but I quickly changed subjects, "Where's Aunt Guanine?  I haven't seen her since Stevie was born."

"She's delivering a few items to the shrine.  Now come in here and talk to me," she started to pull me to the counter, "Tell me what is going on.  Why are you in Riften?  Don't tell me they sent you this far for an assignment."

"Not exactly," I replied, taking a seat on a stool in the corner.

"Then what is it, child?"

I glanced down at my hands and tried to find the courage to tell her the truth.  I just couldn't face her disappointment.  Pa was the one who wanted me to go to Bard's College but I knew from her letters that she had quickly come around and was now so proud of me.

"I…I…" I glanced up at her, "I was let go of the Bard's College."

Ma's hands froze in mid-air, "What?"

I explained what had happened, or at least the parts I wanted her to know about.  I didn't dare tell her about my little jaunt into the cavern and how I almost died.  Instead, I told her that I've been unable to sing since Pa's death and how the headmaster told me I could return once I dealt with my grief."

Ma didn't say anything, but I could see she was angry.  The silence stretch on between us for quite a while – Ma folding clothes and me sitting in the corner watching her.

After she folded the last shirt and placed them on a shelf and turned to face me.

"So you can go back next year, right?"

I nodded, "The headmaster said their door was always open for me."

"So, what are you going to do with yourself now?"

"I was hoping I could get a job here," I replied meekly.

Before she could say anything, the door opened and my aunt entered the store.  While Ma is slightly plump and seems to always have a smile on her face no matter the news, her older sister was as skinny as a stick and as happy as one too.  I remember when Stevie was born, she couldn't (or wouldn't) smile, even when holding her new nephew.

She stopped when she saw me, "Patrycia?"

"Isn't this a nice surprise?" Ma said before I could reply, "Patrycia is taking a break from Bard's College."

I crossed the room and gave Aunt Guanine.  Her body remained stiff.  I wondered if she ever showed any sort of emotion in her life.

"It is good to see you, Auntie," I said with a smile.

"And you too," she replied stiffly.

"Patrycia was just telling me that she's looking for a job until she returns to school."

"Well, she can't work here."

My heart sunk at her words.  Well, there went my backup plans.

"I'm sure we could find something-" Ma started to say but her sister shot her a look that silenced her.

"This store barely supports the two of us.  I can't bring on more help.  Not now."

"Well, maybe she could find work around town," Ma suggested. "I'm sure there's someone around here who could use a hard worker like Patrycia."

"I'm sure there is."  My aunt crossed to the counter and quickly tucked a handful of septums into a lockbox under the counter.  "So, where are you staying?"

I exchanged a look with Ma, "I was hoping I could stay here, that is until I get on my feet."

"There's no room here," she replied matter-of-factly, "There are only two bedrooms upstairs.  I sleep in one.  Your mother and brother sleep in the other."

Ma turned and rolled her eyes so her sister couldn't see, "It's okay, Patrycia.  You can sleep in our room with us.  I'm sure there's enough room on the floor for a bedroll.  And we can pull the extra chest from the attic for you to store your things."

"Thanks, Ma.  I really appreciate your help."

And so here I lay on the hard floor, with only a thin blanket between me and the splintering wood planks.  I plan to go out tomorrow and look for work.  As Ma said, there had to be some sort of work around here for a hard working ex-Bard.

Day 137 - Last Day...

The healer allowed me to go home today and though I was still very sore, I couldn’t help but agree.  It was time for me to face the music.  After a slew of visitors the first day I was conscious, no one has been around since.  I had a feeling that I was about to be expelled and no one wants to be caught in the explosion.

The moment I stepped into the college's front entryway, Headmaster Viarmo called me into his office.  Professors Germane, Inge, and Ateia were already in there.  The moment I saw Professor Germane's face, I knew that I was being sent away.

The headmaster came right to the point, "I'm very sorry to say this, Ms. Willowbranch, but we're going to have to let you go."

I sat there for a moment, trying to take it all in.  Even though his words weren't that big of a surprise, they were still like a punch to my gut.

"I'm sure the professors would agree with me when I say that you are one of our most promising students but with your recent downfall in performance, along with your lack of control and judgment, allowing you to stay could make the school an unsafe place for all of us."

It took a moment for me to get my words back, "I…I understand, sir."

"I want to stress that this is not an official expulsion," he added, "Maybe giving you time to deal with your father's death and mature a bit, you will be able to return and finish your studies.  But for now, we believe this the best thing for all on us is for you to leave."

My eyes teared up at the mention of my father but I quickly blinked them away.  I didn't want them to see me cry.  "Yes, sir.  Thank you."

"Your classmates have gathered your things from your room." He pointed to the corner where my Pa's knapsack sat.  My armor and weapons sat next to it, bundled with cord, "They wanted to say goodbye to you but we thought it best if we didn't make a scene of things.  If you'd like to speak with them, I'm sure they'll be at the tavern tonight."

I nodded and rose, "Thank you, sir."

He rose also and shook my hand, "Good luck, Ms. Willowbranch.  I hope to see you again one you've dealt with your demons."

I nodded and I hurried to the corner to gather my things.

As I turned to leave, Professor Garmane jumped to his feet, "If you don't mind, sir, I'd like to walk her out."

"Of course.  Of course."

Neither the headmaster nor the two other teachers looked me in the eye.  I wondered if that was from guilt or something else.  Either way, I didn't care – I was free of the Bard's College at last.

Professor Germane walked with me down the hall and out the front door to the courtyard outside.

"I'm very sorry to see you go," he said the moment we exited the stuffy old building, "You have a lot of promise.  I hope you will return once you've dealt with your grief."

"Thank you, sir," I said, not sure what else to say.

"Do you have any plans on what you're going to do now?"

"I'll probably join my mother in Riften and help out in my aunt's store.  It's not as if I can take a bard's position anywhere, not without the blessing of the Bards College."

Germane glanced around to make sure no one was listening and then leaning closer to whisper, "I might have a job for you, if you're interested."

I stared at him for a moment, not sure if I heard what he actually said.

"A job?" I asked warily, "What is it?"

He smiled, "Come.  Let's take a walk."

He shouldered my bundle of armor and weapons and started towards the center of town.  I hurried to catch up with him.  As we walked, he explained the job to me.  It seems that there is a drum - Rjorn's Drum – which has much historical significance to him.  He's spent the last decade trying to get his hands on it to study.  All clues led to Halldir's Cairn, a cave just southwest of the city of Falkreath.

"Why should I do this for you?" I asked, "You guys just kicked me out of the Bards College."

"We didn't kick you out.  We just asked you to leave for a while.  You can always come back later.  And if you do this job for me, you'll not only get handsomely rewarded monetarily, but I'll have no problem saying a few good words for you to the headmaster."

"So, you're saying that if I go get this drum for you, you might be able to get me back into the college?"

"Well, maybe not get you back on, but my words do have a lot of sway with the headmaster.  Of course, there is no hurry for this item.  The Cairn is on the southern edge of Skyrim, far out of the way for most people.  Just keep it in mind, in case you're in the area and want to do something nice for your old professor."

I thought about it for a moment before finally agreeing.  Germane smiled and shook my hand, "Excellent.  I hope to see you soon.  I wish you all my luck with whatever you decide to do."

And with that, he placed my weapons and armor at my feet and disappeared into the crowded street.

Later that afternoon, once my things were tuck safely into a room at the end, I climbed the hill to the Dour to speak with the Captain.  I could tell from the look on his face that he already knew about my being released from the Bard's College.  He and his men gathered around me, asking a million questions.

"Okay, men!" he called over the many voice, "Okay, men!  Everyone back to work!"

Once the men had cleaned the area, he motioned for me to follow him to a quiet spot where we could speak in private.

"Ataf came to me an hour ago and told me what happened," he explained, "I'm sorry."

I shrugged, "It's not your fault, Captain.  I was the one that snuck out and tried to take on the world."

"What are you going to do now?"

"The Bards College provided me enough money to take the carriage to Riften where my mother and brother live.  My aunt has a shop there.  Maybe I'll work there."

"You're a good swordsman, little one.  Maybe you can find something to do with that."

"The last time I checked, there weren't many jobs out there for women who know how to use a sword."

"You'd be surprised," he said with a smile.

We stood there in silence for a moment before I spoke again, "Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for helping me so much these last few months.  I really enjoyed the lessons."

"And thank you for being such an excellent student.  You're welcome back here anytime." he reached across and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Good luck, Patrycia."

His use of my first name surprised me.  He had always called me Little One or by my last name.  It was almost….endearing.

"Thank you, Captain."

I hurried away before he could see the tears in my eyes.

And so here I sit at one of the tables at the tavern, watching people come and go.  Ataf and Jorn came by just an hour ago to say their goodbyes.  I wasn't surprised that they were the only ones that came to bid me farewell.  I've barely spoken to either of the two gossip girls since the day of the recital.  There was no love lost there.  At least leaving the college meant I didn't have to deal with those two ever again.

But then again, leaving the Bards College meant that I could no longer follow my dreams of becoming a bard and performing before kings and jarls.  I would be just another nobody, meant to play out their lives in utter obscurity.

Day 136 - Close Call

I will be the first to say that my trip to Shadowgreen Caverns did not go as planned.  What I thought would be an easy walk to find a helmet turned into a slaughter, with me stumbling out of the cave, barely breathing.  I could have handled the wolves, bears, and sabre cats, but the sneaky wood spirits really kicked my butt.

The final battle included two of the spirits (which later I found out were called spriggans) and what looked to be their wolf companions.  I barely survived the battle but was left bleeding and in a lot of pain.  I grabbed Noster's helmet and stumbled towards the entrance to the cave.  I barely made it outside before I collapsed…

The next thing I knew, it was two days later and I was waking up in the healer's quarters.  My wounds were healed or bandaged and some sort of slimy medicine covered the many bruises on my body.

The healer tells me that I will be fine after a few days of rest.  I ask her what happened, begged to be told how I made it back to the city, but all she would tell me was that I was brought in by a troop of men.

I wonder how much trouble I'm in….

Day 134 - Planning

Tomorrow is the first day off we've had since I talked to Noster on the street.  That's when I'll go to Shadowgreen Cavern and retrieve his helmet for him.  I can only hope that Atif will keep his mouth shut.

He hasn't spoken to me since that day in the square.  I don't know why he is so upset.  It's just a cavern.  What could be in there?  Maybe some spiders?

The map in the palace says that the cavern is located on the other side of the hill from Solitude.  I will have to leave bright and early tomorrow to get to the caverns and back before I raise any suspicions.  Wish me luck!

Day 128 - An Invitation to Trouble

Ataf invited me out to do some ice fishing today.  I think the headmaster talked him into doing it.  He, nor any of my other classmates, had spoken to me since my little breakdown in song class a week ago.  I don't know if they're afraid of me or just scared that I'll burst into tears.

I thought about turning down Ataf's invitation but decided at the last moment to go with him.  Even if I didn't fish, at least I'd be outside and in the sun, far far away from the college.  We took my old sword and a lunch and walked out of town.  Ataf led me to one of his favorite fishing spots – a spot within sight of Solitude's Blue Palace.  We spent a few hours out on the ice, enjoying the sun but barely speaking.  The limited conversation was good for me – conversations usually turns into uncomfortable talk about my father or family.

As we walked back through town, one of the town's beggars, Noster Eagle-Eye, stopped us.  At first I thought he was going to ask for a septum or two to get something to eat but instead he asked if we should do him a favor.

Ataf started to brush the man off but I stopped him. "What is it?" I asked.

He ranted for a few minutes…. "You see a man fallen on hard times, and you think he's been like that forever? I was there. I fought in the Great War. I was on the field at Anvil. And when I was struck down, they left me. You understand? They left me for dead. I didn't leave them."

Finally, he got down to business, I lost my helmet in one of the old caves, Shadowgreen Cavern to be exact. My pretty, pretty helmet. Life just got worse after that. Kept losing things. So many things...  Could you please please retrieve it for me?  I've heard from others around town that you like to help others.  I don't have a lot to give you but having my old helmet would mean so much to me."

I started to reply but Ataf grabbed my arm, stopping me, "Don't you dare!  Remember what happened last time you went exploring?  Anyway, you're still on probation.  If you get caught, you'll get expelled from the college."

I shrugged off his arm and turned to the old man, "Sure, Noster.  I will do that for you."

"Bless you, my daughter, bless you."

Noster shook my hand and hurried off, mumbling to himself once again.  Ataf glared at me, "You're going to get in so much trouble."

"I'll only get in trouble if you say something and you won't say anything, right?"

His eyes narrowed, "This is wrong, Patrycia, and I won't have anything to do with it."

And with that, he turned and stomped off towards the college, leaving me alone in the center of town.

I don't care what Atif says.  I'm going to go to Shadowgreen Cavern and get Noster's helmet for him.  I mean, how hard can that be?

Day 125 - Dragons

Headmaster Viarmo said something interesting while sitting in on Germane's history class today, "If you want something a bard can dig into look to the dragons. A thousand years from now Skyrim will have changed rulers dozens of times but the return of the dragons, that story is once in an era."


My interested were immediately piqued.  Dragons?  Really?  Were they really real?

I waited until after class before I cornered him.  He couldn't say much else but did add, "Giraud Gemane has some tomes about them in the library, if you're interested."

I went searching through the library but found nothing but a basic book about dragons in historical legends.  There wasn't really much to chew on there.  The next time I'm in Windhelm, I should stop by their library and see if they have anything.