Day 120 - Grief and Discoveries

I still can't sing, no matter what I do or try.  Everyone is walking around on eggshells around me.  I don't know what to do.

My only saving grace is the swordsmanship classes with the men at the Dour.  Only there, sword in hand, beating on a straw dummy or sparring with one of his men, that I feel good in my skin again.


If I'm not in class or at the Dour, I hide in the library and read.  I found a few old tomes there that peek my interest.

One is called The Legend of Red Eagle and details how a man gave his heart, will, and humanity to a witch in return for absolute power.  Peace reigned for two years before a great army invaded, trying to take siege of the man's stronghold.  The man came forward and used his power to kill off the invaders but in the process took his life too.

I couldn’t help but wonder how much of that story was real and how much was legend.  Was this like the last old book I read, where what was written were lies?

The other book is called The Aetherium Wars and tells about the magical material known as Aetherium, a rare, luminescent blue crystal found in some Dwemer ruins.  Though now it is thought to be inert, centuries ago the Dwarves thought otherwise.  An alliance of four Dwarven cities was formed to oversee its extraction, processing, and study, and a new 'Aetherium Forge' constructed to smelt it under precisely controlled conditions.

The legend goes that the Forge was able to make artifacts of immense power, imbued from the moment of their creation with powerful enchantments. The dwarven alliance shattered almost immediately, as the four city-states and their rivals attempted to claim the Forge.  The fight went on for decades and when it finally ended, it seems that no one restarted the research.

I wonder if the old forge is still around.  And if it was, did it still work?  Oh, what a great discovery that would be!

Day 115 - Trouble

I don't know what is wrong with me.  It's like I'm sleepwalking through my classes, doing only what's required of me and ignoring the rest.  Most people around here understand and don't ask much of me.

Only Professor Ateia is making trouble for me, but is that any surprise?  I wasn't back for more than a day when she demanded that I sing in her class.  The thought of singing a song, after all I had been through in the last few weeks, made me tear up.  I shook my head, fearful that if I spoke, I would begin to cry.

"You do not say no to one of your professors," she demanded, "Stand up and sing, girl, or I shall send you to the headmaster."

I stood as instructed and with shaking hands, tried to sing, but nothing would come out!  It was as if I was mute.

The professor stomped over to where I stood and grabbed my arm, "That's it.  To the headmaster's office with you.  Maybe he can get you to sing."

She escorted me to the door and give me a shove towards the stairs, "Off with you.  And don't come back until you can sing something to me."

I burst into tears and raced down the stairs.  But I didn't go to the headmaster's office but rather to my cubicle, where I laid on the bed and cried.  I remained there throughout lunch and Professor Germane's class.

It was only when I heard everyone leave for dinner that I tiptoed out of my room.  If I was quiet enough, I would be able to sneak out of the college and attend my sword lesson without anyone knowing I was gone.  I was just grateful that this was a day they didn't hold a regular defense class at the Dour.  I didn't think I would be able to face my fellow students, not after breaking down that morning.

As I was tiptoeing my way across the entryway, I heard Headmaster Viarmo talking to someone in his office.  I stopped when I heard him mention my name.

"I understand your impatience, Pantea, but please take it easy on the girl.  She just lost her father-"

"My father died five years ago," I heard Professor Ateia say, "And I still stepped up on that stage and performed for the King that night."

"Yes, Pantea," Professon Germane said, "But not all of us are as heartless as you."

"You take that back, Giraud Germane!"

"Okay, okay," Viarmo said, "Calm down.  There's no reason to start a fight.  I'm just asking that you take it easy on Ms. Willowbranch.  She's taking the death of her father hard and you pushing her is not helping her."

"Fine," I heard Ateia rise to her feet, "I will take it easy on her.  Now, if you'll excuse me."

I made a hasty retreat the moment I heard her footsteps heading for the entryway, almost running for the door that led outside.

Day 112 - Homecoming

Ataf was waiting for me when my ship pulled into the docks at Solitude.  The moment my feet touched the dock, he leapt forward and gave me a hug.

"It's good to see you, old friend," he said, smiling ear to ear.

"The same to you, dear Ataf.  What are you doing here?"

"I've been keeping an eye on the ships ever since you left. I couldn't let you arrive home without some greeting.  Here, let me have your bag."

Ataf took my bag against my protests and led the way back towards town, talking all the way.  I only caught about half of what he was saying as my mind wandered elsewhere.

People have been stopping me all day long, giving me their condolences and seeing how I'm feeling.  If I have one more person say "sorry" or "how are you doing?", I'm going to scream.  The only safe place for me to be is in my cubicle in the basement of the College.  Only then do they leave me alone and stop their incessant questions.